The Hardest (and Best) Parts of Being a Grandmother

When I first became a grandmother, I was 47 years old. I loved and still love every moment of seeing my children's children. Besides birthing and raising my own children, becoming a grandmother has been one of the greatest joys of my life. And still is. I remember there were times in those early years when people often would mistake me for my grandchildren's mother. That doesn't really happen anymore except on a really good day when the lighting is right and deflects the wrinkles time has brought to my face.  I don't mind the wrinkles – I know everyone wants to fight them - but it's just part of life, and I'm OK with aging. I am a grandmother and I hope to be a great-grandmother. On top of that, I care much more about the inside of my body than the outside anyway. Don't get me wrong, I care about the outside very much and I want to do what I can to maintain my skin, energy, body, and take care of myself. But I have learned as I've gotten older what my grandmother meant when she said, "don't be ugly." She wasn't talking about the outside. She was talking about about the inside.

But here's the thing, I've done everything within my power and by God's grace to invest in my grandchildren's lives and I always want to invest more. Sometimes I'm very envious of those grandmothers who live close-by, or are within a short driving distance of all of their grandchildren. A day trip! Oh, how much I would love to go to every game, recital, and just drive over for an afternoon of hanging out with my grandchildren, talking to them about the Lord, doing Bible studies with them, and simply being in physical proximity to them. I'm grateful for technology that allows live-streaming of events and video calls. But still, it's not the same as being there.

However, it's our job as parents to launch our children. They leave our homes and they establish lives for themselves in this world, and they have their own families and they pursue their own God-given plans. And with that, sometimes it means they move far away from their childhood homes and us. I think about one of my sons before he married - how he was in Afghanistan – he's always been the one furthest away. And now, he'll be going on another deployment soon after his little girl is born. None of my children have ever lived closer than 3 1/2 hours to me once they left home. Well, I take that back. GraceAnna and Grant lived in Beaufort for two years and I drank in every moment of that time - their first baby was born here. And of course, after my youngest son launched from home, he worked and lived in Columbia for a couple of years, which was only two hours away. I drove up there and saw him as often as I could because it was within a day trip driving distance!

But with all of this, I have learned to be content. Well, I'm not the greatest at it and something I constantly have to give to the Lord. He knows I wish for closer proximity, but He's also teaching me to be content and grateful for the time He does give me to see them; in their spaces; where they live.  He (and they) allow me to have my eyes on all that's going on in their lives, plus I love the times they are able to come to their childhood Seabrook home.

Amy Carmichael wrote a poem  "In Acceptance Lieth Peace."  Her poem by that title so often comes to my mind. All throughout life there are things that cause us pain - things we don't like - things we wish were different. If they can't be different, we have to accept them. And when we do, peace comes. We have to let the Lord calm our hearts and grant the gift of contentment in those things.

Also, I love the time with my husband. We do so many things together - we're busy – both of us with ministry – in fact, it was our love for the Lord and our being independent of each other's "ministry hearts" that brought us together. And I love that I can invest in the lives of so many young families and young women at this stage of my life. I'm glad that they want to hear from me and that they seek me out. I'm glad God continues to let me teach women and children in my church. For over 30 years, God has allowed me help children learn Scripture.

You know,  our first child was born 18 months after we got married so we only had those 18 months "by ourselves."  Now with our pockets of time when we're not traveling, or separated because of ministry commitments, or seeing grandchildren - we get to do things - just us.  And our relationship is better than ever and, of course, our children and their children are our favorite conversations and prayers.

All of life is a blessing. I want to be thankful for my blessings. And because I don't get to see my grandchildren and my children as often as I would like, maybe I'm on my knees more for them. They occupy my heart and my mind constantly and because they do, I'm constantly in communion with my great God for them. He is so kind.

I am grateful my children are walking with the Lord and growing in maturity and raising their children to love the Lord. All of this brings me great joy. Even though, yeah, sometimes the gates open and tears fall when I ponder the distance - but still, they are happy tears – it's like happy/sad. Sad for all the right reasons because I love them so. My heart longs for them. I think about how Paul expressed this kind of heart for the believers in Rome. He said this, "First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, because your faith is being proclaimed throughout the whole world. For God, whom I serve in my spirit in the preaching of the gospel of His Son, is my witness as to how unceasingly I make mention of you, always in my prayers making request, if perhaps now at last by the will of God I may succeed in coming to you. For I long to see you so that I may impart some spiritual gift to you, that you may be established; that is, that I may be encouraged together with you while among you, each of us by the other’s faith, both yours and mine."

This expresses my heart for my children and grandchildren.

In Acceptance Lieth Peace
by Amy Carmichael

He said, ‘I will forget the dying faces;
The empty places,
They shall be filled again.
O voices moaning deep within me, cease.’
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in forgetting lieth peace.
He said, ‘I will crowd action upon action,
The strife of faction
Shall stir me and sustain;
O tears that drown the fire of manhood cease.’
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in endeavour lieth peace.
He said, ‘I will withdraw me and be quiet,
Why meddle in life’s riot?
Shut be my door to pain.
Desire, thou dost befool me, thou shalt cease.’
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in aloofness lieth peace.
He said, ‘I will submit; I am defeated.
God hath depleted
My life of its rich gain.
O futile murmurings, why will ye not cease?’
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in submission lieth peace.
He said, ‘I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God tomorrow
Will to His son explain.’
Then did the turmoil deep within me cease.
Not vain the word, not vain;
For in acceptance lieth peace.